THERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW WHEN YOU’RE WALKIN’ IN THIS WORLD ALONE AS A SINGLE GIRL. THERE ARE PIT FALLS TO AVOID, SONGS YOU SHOULDN’T BE LISTENING TO, AND THOUGHTS YOU SHOULDN’T ADMIT TO THINKING, LIKE “CAN I COUNT MY CAT AS A DEPENDENT ON MY TAX FORMS?”
First and foremost you need to remember that being single is AWESOME! You are a free bird, a rolling stone, and you don’t have to wear a football jersey on Sundays that is comprised of your least flattering color palette.
Being you is fantastic. I know, because being me is fantastic.
There will be some lows. That just comes with job. As your guide through this life, I like to test the limits of where our singledom can take us. I like to make a fool of myself in order to report back to you that what I did should be avoided at all costs. For instance, exactly four nights ago I cried on the phone to a guy I love and the only words I managed to get out were, “I…I…want…a…baaaaby!! (continued crying sounds).” I did this for you.
Here is our first list of Do’s and Don’ts:
- Take notes when your girlfriends complain about their boyfriends or husbands. Reading these will get you through tough times.
- Don’t spend time with a guy who says, “Are you PMS-ing?”
- Either be super low maintenance or go full blown crazy to the point where you throw phones in the street and threaten the lives of attractive women in your eye line. They both work surprisingly well. In between won’t get you anywhere.
- Only wink at someone if you are a great winker. You either have it or you don’t. I don’t.
- If you don’t want to date a 30 year-old who hangs out at clubs, don’t BE a 30 year-old who hangs out at clubs.
- Change your hair every 6 months.
- Be a Girl’s Girl. This involves giving girl friends approval of pictures they upload online, leaving a fun party early when they feel uncomfortable, and listening to the same story several times with consistent amounts of interest.
- Stop saying how much you want to get married if you’re really just thinking about the wedding and forgetting you’ll have to BE married after that.
- If you want to meet up with someone you met online, ask if they’re a murderer first.
- Remember that no one is out of your league. Ryan Reynolds dated Alanis Morissette.
Till next time ladies. xo
Erin Foster is an actress and comedy writer who was born and raised in Los Angeles. She writes the popular blog TotallyConfidentAndCompletelyInsecure.Com
