Travel, Fall in love, and Be happy

What we all want in life,
to travel, fall in love, and be happy!

The three times people are happiest - you may be surprised

According to a new UK study involving Apple and the London School of Economics - reported by Hannah Thomas at Marie Claire - 
people are happiest when they are having sex, 
exercising, 
and visiting the theatre. 


Sure, the having sex part is a no brainer. The exercise part is a bit surprising; people are often pretty happy when they've finished exercising - your feel-good hormones are coursing through your body and you have a great sense of accomplishment - but the during part can be quite a struggle. And the theatre? Hey, I like theatre - but I only get there a few times a year, and I imagine only very few people make it part of their regular routine.

The study, which is largely based on updates, via an app, by 45,000 iPhone users regarding levels of contentment, also determined that people are happiest during midday on Christmas. I guess this is while you're still riding a high from opening a bunch of presents, but before the extended family has arrived? (No mention, though, of how non-observers of this particular holiday are feeling around this time.) People were also found to be very happy on bank holidays - a paid day off work is pretty universally seen as a treat - and generally happier on weekends.

And the unhappiest time? Around 8pm on January 31. No explanation for why this particular date was the least fun, but it's easy to speculate about the gloom and isolation that can set in mid winter. Further, working, commuting to work, and standing in line were found to be the least happy-making activities. No mention, though, of one of my all-time, least happy moments: when you're standing in line, during your commute to work, and someone cuts in front. It's a triple threat, in the worst possible way.


(Why happiness can add years to your life
More sex is the secret to a longer, healthier life)

The secret to living happily every after?

More than 200 women in long-term relationships are interviewed to find out what they're secret is. 
What they all did

Is distance the key to a happy marriage?

(Thinkstock Photos)

Boredom.  It’s the leading deal-breaker in marriages, according to a recent survey of over 100 family and divorce lawyers.  Not to mention Brad Pitt. 

Married for 23 years, journalist Iris Krasnow has a personal antidote to the long-term marital rut that  creeps into relationships over time: separate summer vacations.

Once a year for about a decade, she’s spent a portion of her summer away from her husband. When her four sons were young, she’d work as a counselor at their camp in the Adirondacks while her husband, an architect and furniture maker, focused on his own projects back at their Annapolis, Maryland home. “I love nature so I just thrived up there and he’d get so much work done back home,” says Krasnow, an associate professor of communication at American University.

Related link: The one reason you should get married

After seven weeks away (with a visit in between) their marriage was usually stronger than ever. “When I’d come home, the grind of an ordinary marriage seemed extraordinary,” she says.

It’s one of the trade secrets she’s learned in her own marriage, and through interviewing over 200 women in long-term relationships, for her new book, "The Secret Lives of Wives". 

A little distance is key to growing "separately, together," as Krasnow calls it. "You can't live happily ever after in your marriage if you're not happy outside of it," she says. One major misconception in marriage, as Krasnow sees it, is believing your spouse is your only source of happiness. "No one person can make you happy, it has to come from within," says Krasnow. “When you live with someone day in and out the 'hot' doesn’t stay 'hot' unless you take time apart to discover yourself and what makes you happy independent of your partner.”

Related link: Canadian marriages on the decline

For Krasnow, that means a few spouse-less weeks away.  For some of the women she interviewed, it's come in the form of a girlfriends' getaway or a newfound hobby that forces a little separation between family life and personal identity. "All of the women I've interviewed with strong marriages have great girlfriends they can drink, travel, and vent with," she says with a snicker.  "The trick is having separateadventures and pursuits from your spouse, not separate lives."

She limits her time apart from her husband to three to four weeks maximum and she’s learned in her time  away to feel comfort in her husband’s absence. “It’s okay to miss someone you love,” she says. “It’s a very powerful aphrodisiac.”

Some couples take it one step further, dividing their time between two separate homes. In 2006, 3.8 million married couples were considered “living apart together.” Judith Newman and her husband of more than a decade, are one of them.  “Living apart has allowed us to stay married and remain in love,”Newman writes in Self Magazine. From the get-go they had different ideas about how to keep a home, how to  decorate, and how to live peacefully inside their shared space.  Their solution was to keep two separate apartments nearby, even after they had kids.  “We do find each other essential,” she writes. “It’s just that, like many couples, we find each other deeply annoying, too. The only difference with us is that sometimes we can breathe a deep sigh of relief at the end of the day and say: I love you, honey; now get the hell out of here!”

Related link: Three risks to take in your marriage

One reason a little distance goes a long way in a marriage: it fosters self-reliance. A study published in the journal Family Relations found that wives of men with fishing or trucking jobs that took them away from home for weeks at a time were more likely to take on male roles in the house. The ability to fix things in the home, and accomplish tasks they’d otherwise rely on their spouse for, bolstered confidence and diminished the "neediness" factor that festers in a long-term relationship.    

But not everyone believes co-dependence is a bad thing.  Dr. Paul Amato, author of  "Alone Together: How Marriage in America is Changing", found that couples are spending more time apart than ever. Over a period of 20 years, more spouses are vacationing, networking, and making friends outside of their family units.  He suggests that too much independence and self-reliance can make the idea of divorce more palatable.

A partner-free vacation is only a problem if your marriage is unstable,  says psychologist Ruth A. Peters,  PhD. “When the relationship is intact, occasional separate vacations can add a terrific dimension to your marriage,” Peters tells MSNBC. “But if trouble is already brewing between partners, a separate vacation may do more harm than good. Consider your true motivation for the vacation, the stability of your finances and relationship, ages of your children, and willingness to compromise.”

Related link: Is it your job to make your partner happy?

For Angela Neustatter, compromise saved her marriage. So did a little time apart under one roof. After a protracted marital rut characterized by frustration and bickering, she and her husband considered separating, until they came up with a plan. “Separate togetherness,” is how Neustatter described their deal in the Telegraph. Together the couple assigned themselves “private spaces in our home to retreat to,  allowing us to choose when we wanted to be together.” It did wonders.  “It was the best thing we could have done. We went back to behaving as we had much earlier in our relationship...And as we grew closer, we were able to talk about having felt we’d grown apart and the pleasure in growing together again. “

Sometimes a little distance, be it a few feet or few thousand miles, goes a long way. 

Everybody wants to be happy, you too! (simple recipe)

21 Simple Ways to Be Happy,
Tips to Help You Find Happiness

If you are looking for happiness, you've come to the right place! Happiness is a state of being that only you can create. Happiness is a choice that you make. Using what I've learned as a life and wellness coach, this gallery will share with you the best tips on happiness that can help you to create happiness in your life! Get ready to smile, chant, eat dark chocolate and dream... big!  By Janice Taylor

Be Your Own BFF > Enjoy your own company. Embrace everything about you! Without a doubt, it’s the most important step towards. Smile, Giggle, Snigger, or Chuckle! > Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, which instantaneously gives your mood a lift. Warm Up Your Tootsies > Pull on your best pair of warm socks, wiggle your toes and enjoy a cozy kind of bliss. Sing Out Loud! > Shut the doors and the windows tight, put on your favorite song, and let your voice ring! Indulge in Dark Chocolate > Savor a small piece and watch your mood improve. Expect a Miracle > Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to shower happy blessings on you. Meditate, Pray, and Chant > Research shows that people who are spiritual tend to be happier and healthier than those who are not. Laugh at Your Shortcomings > We all make mistakes; none of us is perfect. Forgive your imperfections, accept your faults, and laugh. Sleep, Baby, Sleep. 7 or 8 hours each night should increase your energy and decrease moodiness.Count Your Blessings Daily > Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours. Wake Up Early! > Start the day off on a happy foot, with a happy thought. The morning hours are full ofspiritual energy and prana (life force). Let the Sun Shine In > 20 minutes of sunlight per day improves mood and wards of Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD). Create a Positive Affirmation > Think it, read it, say it, sing it! "My happiness brings me more happiness." Say "Good Job!" > Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities. Catch Happiness from Others > Remembering that happiness is contagious, surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values, goals, and dreams. Grow a Garden >  Watching plants grow and thrive under your care is thrilling! Pencil in 'Quiet' Time > Each and every day sit awhile, without television, without magazines, without the Internet. Just be! Look to the Future > Set goals and then make plans to succeed and take action. Pursuing something we value always makes us happy. Accept What You Cannot Change > Don't waste your precious time, energy, or thoughts on something that is beyond your control. Let it go. Take a Cat Nap > A 10-minute nap is all it takes to rejuvenate your spirit and get the happiness to flow. Love Everything > Love who you are. Love what you are doing. Love the person you're with. Love your friends and your enemies, too. Love! Love! Love!

....or how Julia Roberts would say: EAT PRAY LOVE!

Tonight's Grand Opening at Urban Barn on Granville Street

Beautiful flower arrangements everywhere were greeting me at the Opening Night at Vancouver's Urban Barn. Happy people all around me...
"Show me a day when the world wasn't' new....."
e.x.h.a.l.e.
Yes, it was an interesting evening meeting two Urmas in one night! Unusual name — and not one but two girls showed up with that name! Is it a coincident, small coincident...