Getting into party mood, part II

some glam outfits for you. Which is you?

Getting into party mood for Holidays.....

Fancy shoes to choose for your big night!
What style is you?

Do you need dental therapy?

When Kate Middleton got engaged, her smile became noticeably brighter. Was it love or a really good dentist? 

The latter, according to Dr. Bernard Touati, a close friend and colleague of Kate's rumored dentist Didier Fillion. In an interview with The Times Magazine, Touati claims that Fillion sculpted the Duchess' teeth, using a radical new approach to creating the perfectly 'imperfect' smile. 

"He did some little micro-rotations onKate Middleton so that it looks like a natural, healthy smile, but not artificial," Touati said. 

Micro-rotation is a process that targets each tooth from positioning to shape, in order to complement a person's overall look, as opposed to creating the textbook one-size-fits-all smile. Fillion's innovative process requires invisible braces applied behind the teeth to slightly shift each tooth in various directions so they're neat but not precisely aligned. Another approach is chiseling each tooth for a look that's described in the industry as "harmonious asymmetry."

Fillion has never confirmed his royal client list, but in addition to Middleton, he's believed to treat Monaco's royal family on a monthly basis.

What makes his work so coveted is his approach to creating a natural, rather than perfect, smile.

"In Europe we want something more adapted to each personality, not like America. Tom Cruise's teeth are too perfect for me," Dr. Fillion has said. "I don't like teeth that look like piano keys,"

Neither does Madonna. Remember her intentional gap tooth phase? And how about Kristen Dunst'ssnaggled fang that's helped foster her edgy, indie credibility. On his website, Fillion states his philosophy simply: "Smile is a language. "

As the kind of celebrity more often photographed than interviewed, Kate's teeth had to speak volumes about her image. They needed to to be both polished and slightly imperfect, both regal and grounded, in order to appeal to a wide audience. And Fillion was just the man to do it-his innovative dental practices go beyond technology into what sounds more like psychoanalysis. " I consider every single patient as a unique individual with a past history, with concerns, and also with dreams," he writes on his website. "It is important for me to understand what the patient wishes to achieve through his orthodontic treatment."

Does a princes really need dental therapy? When your teeth are constantly competing with those crazy hats, you better believe it.

By Piper Weiss

How to find tax money you didn’t know you lost

Pop quiz: what is the largest single expense you'll have over your lifetime? If you're thinking it's your home, your car, or your kids, you'd be wrong.  It's your tax bill.

Indulge us for a moment and think back to the year 1999…did you immediately think of your hair?  Yup, like you, we too were growing out "The Rachel". You were also most likely rushing home from work to watch "Who wants to be a millionaire", and dancing to the tune of Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca", all while you basked in the glory of an overvalued tech portfolio. Life was good.

But wait! Who could forget when the Federal Department of National Revenue created the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) - you do remember that one, right? Okay, probably a long shot, but why is that so important?

More than just a name change

According to Alan Rowell, President of The Accounting Place, although the change by itself may have appeared to be "no big deal", the effect on the Canadian taxpayer has been huge. Alan advises that being an agency as opposed to a government department means that CRA is not responsible to ensure that the correct amount of tax is paid; rather, they are responsible to ensure that at least the correct amount of tax has been paid within the legislative framework. You see where we're going with this?

Alan explains that there was a time when you might get help from the taxman, but that was when they were a government department and perhaps felt more loyalty to their "employer"- you the taxpayer. Now, they are a government agency; this means, you're on your own, folks!

Evidently, there is so much more to the name change - from Revenue Canada to Canada Revenue Agency - than meets the eye.

What you may not know about CRA

We have a self-assessing income tax system, says Alan, and herein lies the problem. What this means is that as long as you report all of your income and don't break any rules, it's correct as far as CRA is concerned; you get your notice of assessment back (and maybe even a refund), and cha-ching, you're running straight to the bank. Unfortunately, just because you received a clean assessment doesn't mean that the return was completed so that you paid the least amount of tax possible; you see, CRA is not obligated to tell you when you overpaid.

As Alan Rowell explains further, if you overpay in the current year, you will then likely keep overpaying year after year.  Perhaps more frightening, like many Canadians, you may have been over-paying for years. And here's why…

Not all tax preparation is created equal

Alan explains it like this: as a taxpayer, there are many legal ways for you to file a tax return. You can use a pencil and paper, or you can use the latest version of the tax software available at your nearest electronics store - and while the return may be "technically" correct, only one way will result in your lowest tax bill.

A CRA revelation

Indeed, according to Evelyn Jacks, Founder and President of The Knowledge Bureau and Canada's most trusted voice on tax matters, the secret you may not know is this: you can go back up to 10 years, in most cases, and adjust tax returns wherein you may have missed something.  And this might just mean your lowest tax bill ever — and ongoing. "If you've missed the disability amounts, for example, which in real dollars could be just under $2,000 per year over 10 years, well that's a big cheque," she says.

A  golden opportunity?

So now that you know the secret, what should you do? The best place to start, says Alan, is to gather up the last 10 years' tax returns and engage in what he calls a "tax recovery audit." This may also be referred to as a post-tax review, says Evelyn.  Review your life milestones over the past 10 years with your professional tax advisor - such things as your employment, investment, and health history - to uncover areas you may have missed. According to Evelyn, the most commonly missed items include your safety deposit box, medical expenses, disability amounts, capital losses from your investments, even carry-forwards from your tuition. Another item not to be overlooked, says Alan, is wasted deductions. In many cases, deductions and credits are elective and you can choose not to claim them and instead carry them forward to future years when it is more optimal for you.

Once completed, you can then work with your tax advisor to make the necessary adjustments. If you know what you've missed, you can write CRA a letter, attach supporting documentation, and ask them to adjust your returns; or download the form T1-ADJ from the CRA website.

In cash we trust

The benefits of engaging in a tax recovery audit are two-fold; firstly, it repatriates your hard earned money from the government coffers and puts it back into your bank account where it rightfully belongs (you earned it, right?). And secondly, it helps establish a strong foundation with your advisors, thus ensuring a tax-efficient plan going forward wherein you pay only the tax that you are legally obligated to pay and not a penny more.

And in these challenging economic times, we're all for those extra pennies. In a world of rising prices, tighter budgets, heavier debt loads, and volatile stock markets, being vigilant on your tax return is one of the best places to find hidden value and further your long-term wealth creation. In many cases, you'll find money that until today, you didn't even know you lost!

GoldenGirlFinance.ca is a free personal finance and education site for women.

Nothing contained herein is intended to provide personalized financial, legal or tax advice. Before implementing any financial strategy, you should obtain information and advice from your financial, legal and/or tax advisers who are fully aware of your individual circumstances.

How black licorice can help your digestion

You probably tried black licorice when you were a kid, and either loved it or hated it. Its sweet taste is distinct and has similar flavouring to fennel or anise. In fact, licorice candy often contains less licorice extract and more anise flavouring, but it's the extract - the remnants of boiled licorice root - that has many health benefits.

In Chinese medicine, licorice root is considered to have strong anti-inflammatory properties and is atreatment of a variety of illnesses, from stomach ulcers to diabetes. It is used to soothe coughs and sore throats, control blood sugar, balance hormones, heal cold sores, and treat eczema, asthma, flu, herpes, and hepatitis. Its also popularly used as a natural laxative, so it can help with constipation, and as an aid for digestive problems. According to the medical journal, Nutrition and Cancer , substances in licorice may even protect against carcinogen-induced DNA. Furthermore, research suggests that it may help inhibit tumor formations and kill cancer cells.

The three times people are happiest - you may be surprised

According to a new UK study involving Apple and the London School of Economics - reported by Hannah Thomas at Marie Claire - 
people are happiest when they are having sex, 
exercising, 
and visiting the theatre. 


Sure, the having sex part is a no brainer. The exercise part is a bit surprising; people are often pretty happy when they've finished exercising - your feel-good hormones are coursing through your body and you have a great sense of accomplishment - but the during part can be quite a struggle. And the theatre? Hey, I like theatre - but I only get there a few times a year, and I imagine only very few people make it part of their regular routine.

The study, which is largely based on updates, via an app, by 45,000 iPhone users regarding levels of contentment, also determined that people are happiest during midday on Christmas. I guess this is while you're still riding a high from opening a bunch of presents, but before the extended family has arrived? (No mention, though, of how non-observers of this particular holiday are feeling around this time.) People were also found to be very happy on bank holidays - a paid day off work is pretty universally seen as a treat - and generally happier on weekends.

And the unhappiest time? Around 8pm on January 31. No explanation for why this particular date was the least fun, but it's easy to speculate about the gloom and isolation that can set in mid winter. Further, working, commuting to work, and standing in line were found to be the least happy-making activities. No mention, though, of one of my all-time, least happy moments: when you're standing in line, during your commute to work, and someone cuts in front. It's a triple threat, in the worst possible way.


(Why happiness can add years to your life
More sex is the secret to a longer, healthier life)

Foods that make you hungrier

Put down that light yogurt, it may be making you fat. As it turns out, a number of foods that are commonly thought to be great for weight loss can actually stimulate the appetite. We spoke withMarjorie Nolan, R.D., National Spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association, to get the skinny on foods that can trigger hunger and sabotage your diet.

1. Light yogurt

The blast of sweet (often artificial) flavor causes the stomach to start producing gastric juices. With only four to six ounces of yogurt and no fat in a typical container, the body doesn’t have enough food to digest leaving the tummy rumbling for more.

Better choice: Nolan likes the creaminess and high protein content of plain, low-fat Greek yogurt. Add fruit and a sprinkle of cinnamon for flavor. If you choose the non-fat variety, add a tablespoon of sunflower seeds for crunch and satisfaction—the fat in nuts and seeds is slow to digest so a small serving keeps you feeling full.

[Related: The new Nordic diet: The next big weight loss trend?]

2. Puffed cereal with skim milk

The combo of skim milk and puffed cereal has too few calories to keep you energized for long. Many dieters reach for puffed cereal because it looks filling in a big bowl. However, the low fiber content leaves you wanting more soon after breakfast. Puffed cereal also has a high glycemic index, which causes blood sugar to drop after an initial boost of energy.

Better choice: Rolled or steel cut oats. Oatmeal is high in fiber, which makes it a satisfying breakfast. Add a spoonful of maple brown sugar if you need something sweet. Cooking your own plain oatmeal and adding a small amount of sweetener is much more nutritious than using pre-sweetened packets. Nolan likes to cook oats with low fat milk or stir in a tablespoon of peanut butter for even more stick-to-your-ribs goodness.

3. Big green salad with low fat or fat free dressing

The typical dieters’ lunch of a salad with low fat dressing can have a boomerang effect on the appetite. It’s full of fiber and visually filling but the low protein and fat content won’t satisfy for long. Stay away from fat-free dressings, which are loaded with sugar.

Better choice. Add three to six ounces of lean protein such as lean beef, chicken, or beans (the leaner the choice, the more you should eat) to your salad bowl.

4. Rice cakes

One rice cake=good, four rice cakes=overindulgence. And that’s about how many it will take to feel truly satisfied. Low in fiber with a high glycemic index, these classic diet snacks won’t leave your tank full for long.

Better choice: Spread a tablespoon of peanut butter or cream cheese onto a rice cake for a more balanced nosh. Or choose whole grain crackers with a spread or small portion of cheese for fiber and carbs plus protein.

5. Chewing gum

A little stick of gum is a stealth saboteur. While some chewing gum advocates say that it can stave off snacking, Nolan disagrees. She explains that the burst of flavor gets the gastric juices flowing. The act of chewing revs the digestive system even more, preparing it for a meal. If you want an express ticket to the all-you-can-eat buffet, chomp on some gum.

Better choice: We all have our munchy days, so if you are just looking for something to keep your mouth busy, air-popped corn or raw veggies are a safer bet.

6. Diet soda

Like gum, the sweet flavor wakes up the digestive process with no nutritional pay off which stimulates the appetite. Caffeine and carbonation may dampen your hunger pangs for a short time only to have them come roaring back along with an energy slump. If that’s not enough to make you rethink your daily fix, a study carried out by the University of Texas Health Center in San Antonio showed that people who consumed diet soda had a 70-500% increase of abdominal fat over ten years compared to those who didn’t drink diet soda.

Better choice: Drinking a hot beverage can slow down the appetite and allow you to think through your craving. Also, sometimes thirst signals are confused with hunger, so you may just need hydration. Non-caffeinated herbal teas won’t cause an energy crash.

7. Apple

Yes, apples are great for you—they contain lots of vitamins and fiber, but a single apple is not a balanced snack. If you don’t eat anything else with your afternoon apple, you may overeat at dinner.

Better choice: Apple with 5-10 almonds or a cheese stick. Spend a few more calories on your snack so you won’t be ravenous later

8. Low-calorie frozen entrees

Light frozen entrees contain little fiber and only about half the calories you will need to feel satiated. They are also loaded with salt. If you don’t have another option, look for a frozen dinner that contains 400-500 calories, 20-30 grams of protein, around 5 grams of fat, and 5-10 grams of fiber.

Better choice: If you are too busy to cook, Nolan suggests an “assembly based meal.” Roast chicken from the deli, a slice of whole grain bread, some salad bar vegetables, and a piece of fruit add up to a quick, healthy dinner.

9. Fat-free graham crackers or other baked goods

Nolan says people who are watching their weight tend to automatically reach for food labeled “fat free” on the package assuming it is more diet-friendly than the regular version. However, when manufacturers make fat-free foods, they often up the sugar content. Check the nutritional information on the back--the light versions sometimes contain more calories.

Better choice: Regular graham cracker. A small indulgence such as a graham cracker or square of quality chocolate keeps things interesting and won’t break the bank calorie-wise. Nolan points out that boredom is the enemy of dieters and causes people to fall of the wagon. “You are better off eating real food and more calories and feeling physically and emotionally satisfied than eating ‘diet food’ and being hungry in an hour.”

http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/9--diet--foods-that-make-you-hungrier.html

How to Really Listen

How to Really Listen

by Peter Bregman

"One morning, my wife Eleanor woke up, turned over, and said, "I am not looking forward to this day." I asked her why.

What came out is that we were at the start of the Jewish high holy day season, which means colder weather and three weeks of big social meals, long religious services, broken routines, and children out of school. Eleanor didn't grow up with these traditions, and they can be overwhelming.

Now, I run a management consulting company; problem solving is what I do. So it didn't take me long to jump in.

"Cold weather means ski season is about to start," I said. "You love skiing. And these holiday meals are fun and filled with people you love — they'll make you feel better. And I'll be with you; you won't be alone with the kids. Also, you know, Jesus was Jewish, so it's kind of your tradition too."

Even as I said it, I knew that last one was a reach. It became clear that I was making her feel worse and now she wasn't just sad, she was angry.

And when she got angry, I felt myself get angry too. And self-righteous. Here I am trying to help her and this is what I get?

But then I smartened up. Instead of giving in to my anger, which would have really blown things up, I shut up and listened. When I did, I began to hear the real stuff, the things that neither of us was actually saying.

What I discovered was that she was upset because the focus on mothers during the Jewish holidays taps into her insecurities about motherhood, not being a Jewish mom, and not having time to spend on her own work.

I also discovered that my own babbling wasn't so much to help her feel better as to help me feel better. I'm the reason she's in New York City, living through cold winters, and part of a Jewish family.

In other words, by trying to make her feel better, I was doing the opposite of making her feel better. I was arguing with her. In fact, most of the time when we try to make people feel better, we end up arguing with them because we're contradicting what they're feeling. Which, inevitably, makes them feel worse.

Listening, it turns out, is magic. Not only did it help me understand what was going on with both of us, but it helped Eleanor feel better, too. It made her feel that she wasn't alone in her feelings; I was with her.

All I had to do was listen.

But listening isn't easy. The more we listen to others, the more likely we will react — or overreact — to what they say. Listening, it turns out, is much harder than speaking. We have to allow things we might disagree with to hang in the air. We have to move over a little and create space for those things to linger.

That kind of listening takes tremendous courage.

But if we're interested in learning — about ourselves as well as others — then it's worth it. And if we're interested in being connected to others, showing them respect, helping them feel better, and solving problems between us, than it's more than worth it. It's essential.

Until people feel heard, they will fight to be heard. But once they are heard, there is little left to fight for, and then we can move on, not as "us vs. them" but simply as "us."

So how do you listen in a way that transforms conversations and relationships?

1. Actually listen. And only listen. That means don't multitask. I'm not just talking about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you're going to say next counts as multitasking. Simply focus on what the other person is saying.
2. Repeat back. This feels a little silly at first but works magic. If someone says she is angry about the decision you just made, you can say "you're angry about the decision I just made." I know, I know, she just said that. But it shows you're listening and it communicates to the other person that she's been heard. If you don't have the courage to try it with an adult, try it with a child. You'll see what a difference it makes and it will embolden you to try it with a colleague or your spouse.
3. Ask questions. Explore the other person's thoughts and feelings more deeply. And "You don't really believe that, do you?" does not count as a question. You are not using the Socratic method to prove your point; you are trying to better understand what's going on so you can better understand your partner in this conversation.

Really listening can feel risky, which seems strange because listening doesn't materially change anything. But sometimes you'll hear things that are hard to hear.

Remember that listening is not the same thing as agreeing. And it will never force you to take any particular action. If anything, it will reduce the intensity of people's insistence that you take a specific action. Because in many cases what they're looking for is proof that you've heard them. So if they feel you've really heard them, their need for action diminishes.

As Eleanor spoke, I noticed my own resistance to various things she was saying. There's no question that it's hard to really listen. But once I relaxed into it, I heard her in a much deeper way. That made her feel better. Call me co-dependent, but it made me feel better too.

It turns out that sometimes, just listening is problem-solving."

When women lose their hair...

Losing your hair? You can blame fall
By Nadine Bells

(Thinkstock)

With the wind, rain and dropping temperatures comes... hair loss?

A recent Swedish study found women tend to lose the most hair in autumn. It’s all part of a strand of hair’s lifecycle.

A human hair grows for about two to six years. Scientists have discovered that at any one time, about 90 per cent of our hair is growing, while the rest is in the telogen stage — a resting phase — for two to six months before falling out. That hair follicle rests for about three months, and then another strand grows.

It’s normal for women to lose up to 100 hairs a day.

Researchers found that in a study of 800 healthy women, the highest proportion of hair in the telogen stage was in July.  The stage ended — with hair shedding — in late October and beyond.

[See also: Are you eating right - for your hair?]

This autumn hair-loss pattern is likely evolutionary. We don’t need our hair to protect our scalps from the sun in the wintery months.

Hair is also a barometer for health.

'Hair cells are the second-fastest produced cells in the body after bone marrow, so hair is often the first thing to suffer from any bodily upset,' said Glenn Lyons, consultant trichologist at the Philip Kingsley clinic.

We don’t need our hair to survive — just ask Bruce Willis, who appears to be thriving nicely without it — so your body knows to prioritize other organs.

“If it’s a choice between your hair growing or keeping blood going to vital organs, the former will suffer,” Marie Claire reports.

“Hair is an incredibly sensitive barometer. It can even forewarn you when there are no other symptoms of illness,” said Dr. Hugh Rushton of the University of Portsmouth.

Hair loss outside of normal growth rhythms has been linked to a number of other factors, pointing to disruptions in health, medication use, nutritional deficiencies and crash dieting, stress, pregnancy and birth-control usage, thyroid conditions and infections.

So if a hairbrush with more rogue strands in it than usual is causing you to panic, talk to your doctor. Here’s a list of blood tests to request. No use stressing over hair loss — since stress might be partly to blame.

5 ingredients of a get-skinny supper

I’m crazy about fall foods. I love apples and squash and most of all I love... chili. I honestly could eat it every day. No exaggeration. In my book, EatingWell’s Zesty Wheat Berry-Black Bean Chili, with a green salad on the side, is not only a perfectly wholesome, yummy dinner—it’s an ideal get-skinny supper because it contains 5 ingredients that research shows help with weight loss. (Get a week of get-skinny supper ideas with our 7-Day Diet Meal Plan to Lose Weight.)

Here are the 5 key ingredients of my favorite get skinny supper.

Beans, beans... They’re good for your heart. They’re also good for keeping you feeling full and—according to recent research—blasting belly fat. The secret? Soluble fiber. Researchers at Wake Forest Medical Center reported that for every 10-gram increase in soluble fiber per day, visceral fat (the more dangerous kind deep in your belly, surrounding your organs) dropped by 3.7 percent over five years. (Other sources of soluble fiber include oats, barley, apples, okra, citrus.)
Recipes to Try: Zesty Wheat Berry-Black Bean Chili & More Bean-Packed Chili Recipes

Whole grains are also rich in fiber (soluble and insoluble!) so adding things like wheat berries or barley to your chili gives it even more staying power. Of course, if you’re like my husband and want to eat something besides chili once in a while, you could expand your whole-grain repertoire to include other whole-grain recipes for slimming soups, herb-studded pilafs, and more.

Chile pepper: Research suggests that capsaicin, the compound that gives fresh chiles, and spices including cayenne and chipotle, their kick can boost metabolic burn. In other words, you can torch more calories with spicy recipes (including chili)—so try a few new ones.

Salad greens: Starting with a salad may prevent you from overdoing high-calorie fare later. In fact, research out of Penn State shows that eating a first-course salad can reduce overall calorie intake at a meal by up to 12 percent. Check it: Starter salads and soups to keep you slim.

Vinegar: At our house, side salads are simple: mixed greens with some snap peas, cherry tomatoes and sliced black olives topped with a little olive oil and vinegar—another ingredient that may have weight-loss benefits. In one 2005 study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, including 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar with a meal resulted in subjects eating 200 to 275 fewer calories through the day. “The acid in vinegar may inhibit the digestion of the starch, so the starch is rendered into something like fiber, which can’t be digested well,” says Carol Johnston, Ph.D., R.D., professor and chair of the department of nutrition at Arizona State University.

What's your go-to get-skinny supper when you're trying to shed some pounds?

By Nicci Micco

Nicci Micco is editor-at-large for EatingWell and co-author of EatingWell 500-Calorie Dinners. She has a master's degree in nutrition and food sciences, with a focus in weight management.

The secret to living happily every after?

More than 200 women in long-term relationships are interviewed to find out what they're secret is. 
What they all did

Is distance the key to a happy marriage?

(Thinkstock Photos)

Boredom.  It’s the leading deal-breaker in marriages, according to a recent survey of over 100 family and divorce lawyers.  Not to mention Brad Pitt. 

Married for 23 years, journalist Iris Krasnow has a personal antidote to the long-term marital rut that  creeps into relationships over time: separate summer vacations.

Once a year for about a decade, she’s spent a portion of her summer away from her husband. When her four sons were young, she’d work as a counselor at their camp in the Adirondacks while her husband, an architect and furniture maker, focused on his own projects back at their Annapolis, Maryland home. “I love nature so I just thrived up there and he’d get so much work done back home,” says Krasnow, an associate professor of communication at American University.

Related link: The one reason you should get married

After seven weeks away (with a visit in between) their marriage was usually stronger than ever. “When I’d come home, the grind of an ordinary marriage seemed extraordinary,” she says.

It’s one of the trade secrets she’s learned in her own marriage, and through interviewing over 200 women in long-term relationships, for her new book, "The Secret Lives of Wives". 

A little distance is key to growing "separately, together," as Krasnow calls it. "You can't live happily ever after in your marriage if you're not happy outside of it," she says. One major misconception in marriage, as Krasnow sees it, is believing your spouse is your only source of happiness. "No one person can make you happy, it has to come from within," says Krasnow. “When you live with someone day in and out the 'hot' doesn’t stay 'hot' unless you take time apart to discover yourself and what makes you happy independent of your partner.”

Related link: Canadian marriages on the decline

For Krasnow, that means a few spouse-less weeks away.  For some of the women she interviewed, it's come in the form of a girlfriends' getaway or a newfound hobby that forces a little separation between family life and personal identity. "All of the women I've interviewed with strong marriages have great girlfriends they can drink, travel, and vent with," she says with a snicker.  "The trick is having separateadventures and pursuits from your spouse, not separate lives."

She limits her time apart from her husband to three to four weeks maximum and she’s learned in her time  away to feel comfort in her husband’s absence. “It’s okay to miss someone you love,” she says. “It’s a very powerful aphrodisiac.”

Some couples take it one step further, dividing their time between two separate homes. In 2006, 3.8 million married couples were considered “living apart together.” Judith Newman and her husband of more than a decade, are one of them.  “Living apart has allowed us to stay married and remain in love,”Newman writes in Self Magazine. From the get-go they had different ideas about how to keep a home, how to  decorate, and how to live peacefully inside their shared space.  Their solution was to keep two separate apartments nearby, even after they had kids.  “We do find each other essential,” she writes. “It’s just that, like many couples, we find each other deeply annoying, too. The only difference with us is that sometimes we can breathe a deep sigh of relief at the end of the day and say: I love you, honey; now get the hell out of here!”

Related link: Three risks to take in your marriage

One reason a little distance goes a long way in a marriage: it fosters self-reliance. A study published in the journal Family Relations found that wives of men with fishing or trucking jobs that took them away from home for weeks at a time were more likely to take on male roles in the house. The ability to fix things in the home, and accomplish tasks they’d otherwise rely on their spouse for, bolstered confidence and diminished the "neediness" factor that festers in a long-term relationship.    

But not everyone believes co-dependence is a bad thing.  Dr. Paul Amato, author of  "Alone Together: How Marriage in America is Changing", found that couples are spending more time apart than ever. Over a period of 20 years, more spouses are vacationing, networking, and making friends outside of their family units.  He suggests that too much independence and self-reliance can make the idea of divorce more palatable.

A partner-free vacation is only a problem if your marriage is unstable,  says psychologist Ruth A. Peters,  PhD. “When the relationship is intact, occasional separate vacations can add a terrific dimension to your marriage,” Peters tells MSNBC. “But if trouble is already brewing between partners, a separate vacation may do more harm than good. Consider your true motivation for the vacation, the stability of your finances and relationship, ages of your children, and willingness to compromise.”

Related link: Is it your job to make your partner happy?

For Angela Neustatter, compromise saved her marriage. So did a little time apart under one roof. After a protracted marital rut characterized by frustration and bickering, she and her husband considered separating, until they came up with a plan. “Separate togetherness,” is how Neustatter described their deal in the Telegraph. Together the couple assigned themselves “private spaces in our home to retreat to,  allowing us to choose when we wanted to be together.” It did wonders.  “It was the best thing we could have done. We went back to behaving as we had much earlier in our relationship...And as we grew closer, we were able to talk about having felt we’d grown apart and the pleasure in growing together again. “

Sometimes a little distance, be it a few feet or few thousand miles, goes a long way.